Will dish-washing machines kill the British garden?

Sometimes I leave a garden and go inside.

Then I find a window and look out.

‘Look at that!’ I say. ‘I was just out there!’

‘How funny to see it now, all flat behind the glass. Moments ago I could stomp about and peer under shrubs and cut things and stand on my head. Now its frozen like a picture. How odd. How very beautiful.’

The best houses have these garden-pictures in most rooms. Sensible home-owners have their finest garden picture behind the kitchen sink.

Behind the kitchen sink, where one stands, once, or twice, or three times a day wondering what’s congealing in the plughole and whether it’s time to buy a new scouring pad. This is the vantage point most taken and it is where the most exquisite herbaceous art should find its home.

My kitchen-sink-garden-picture changes every day. Imagine an artist driven insane by his own genius. Now imagine he stumbled on the secret of living paint in a blood-magic orgy. That’s what he used for my picture.

Some of the pigments love each other dearly – they want to grow into each other. Deranged with desire, these pigments. Nothing but smothering and suffocation can come of ardour so arduous. Day after day, mug after spoon, I watch the paints trying to mix and I wonder if it’s time to buy a new scouring pad.

Which leads to the one question the horticultural establishment is ignoring – will dish-washing machines kill the British garden?

Anyhow. It was a busy week for me in three dimensional gardens.

On Monday I staged an intervention. Over the weekend the gardens had a pre-autumnal leaf party so I marched about blowing and striping things back to late-summer sobriety. The Borage was still flowering.

On Tuesday it was my birthday so I skulked about until it was time for cake.

On Wednesday I dabbled in the world of stone and cement. Also the world of middle distance haulage.

On Thursday I created a plug plant pic’n’mix in an effort to force randomness on an orchard.

And on Friday I chopped back some Phormium tenax and thought about what I had done. All in all, it was a good week.

I realise that over the recent half-decade I haven’t given this blog the love it deserves – my apologies – but now I’m back and trying out the above format. A sort of rambling round-up of my week in gardening with pictures. More to follow next episode…

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